


I'm here

by jkerr



Category: The 100 (TV), clexa - Fandom
Genre: Adorable Big-Mouthed Raven, Clexa endgame.. if given the chance, F/F, Gen, Grand Romantic Gestures, Great Minds Always Think Alike, Happy Ever After or May We Meet Again?, Heroism, International outcry, Level headed Clarke, Lexa always feeling smol, Men doing terrible disgusting deeds, Mentions of Abuse/Harassment, Mysterious Clarke, Oblivious Clarke Griffin, Obvious Lexa, Self-Deprecating Lexa, Shy Lexa (The 100), Shy clarke, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Some dark and sinister, Some light and fun, Supportive Anya and Lincoln, Talented Clarke, Very Supportive Friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:13:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21618166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jkerr/pseuds/jkerr
Summary: Lexa had always been in love with Clarke Griffin since the exact moment she laid eyes on her 3 years ago at orientation day. She had a tough childhood and because of that, she had unwittingly placed Clarke at such a high pedestal that she would never consider that Clarke might just love her back.3 years later, Lexa is still hopelessly, desperately in love with Clarke and she limited herself in the corner, very much content at loving Clarke from afar. Even their friends were painfully aware of how obvious Lexa is and how oblivious Clarke is. Nobody knows what goes on in Clarke's mind. Until an unfortunate, disturbing event had to happen for everyone to finally understand (and literally see) the workings of Clarke Griffin's mind and heart. And they understand, only... just as how most stories go.. it's too late.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 34
Kudos: 216





	1. Stroll Down Memory Lane

**Author's Note:**

> I've always pushed my mind to start writing the ideas I have but the limitations I've imposed on myself take over my mind most of the time plus I've got work and grad school so it was a total of pathetic excuses not to start writing (as I think I would suck at it).. Anyway, this is my first fanfic ever. It's not betaed, I'm sorry :( But I hope you'll like it.
> 
> (Also, English isn't my first language. And I wrote this from night to dawn so please forgive any mistakes.)
> 
> Thanks for taking the time to read. And please do leave comments, I would love to hear how I could improve myself. :D
> 
> P.S. This fic has situations of abuse/harassment that could trigger anyone. Although I tried to make it as small as possible, there may still be some blows directed at ya. Just a warning.

A jolt pulsed through her body and she snapped up from her sleeping position on the table. That falling feeling you get when you’re at the brink of total slumber only to bring you back to a reality of utter humiliation especially in public places such as this. No, Lexa’s used to this. She’s slept and jolted awake several times in her unofficial second home at the university. The other people here at the library are used to being subjects and witnesses to that too.

Only now it’s embarrassing because it also caused another student in Lexa’s adjacent table to witness and be empathetic to that jolt too. _Clarke Griffin._

“Fuck,” Lexa muttered under her breath fully awake now as soon as she saw it was Clarke that bounced a bit off her chair, startled herself from Lexa’s sudden frantic movement moments ago.

What’s even more embarrassing was that she noticed Clarke trying to stifle a soft giggle.

 _Can you get any more awkward, Lexa?_ Lexa scolded herself.

Immediately, she gathered her books as calmly as she could to try and look composed in front of the girl she had been crushing on since orientation day of freshman year.

_\--- 3 years ago ---_

“Ey yo Clarkey!” a gorgeous tanned girl called from behind her as she jogged towards the front of all the gathered new students. But Lexa paid no mind as she stood amongst 30 other people in the grounds of the administration building of Polis University.

Lexa continued to admire her surroundings. It had been her dream to attend P.U. as they also happened to have the best ratings of bar passers in the country. She thought she could do better taking her undergraduate program here as it would allow her to familiarize herself with how the Law department is run and to know the people behind the whole program.

She was giddy thinking about how close she physically is to her dream. It was a hard journey getting here as she had no means to get into college when she lost both her parents in a car accident when she was eight.

To make matters worse, her parents had not prepared a will prior to their demise and Lexa’s legal guardian, her uncle Titus, had mismanaged her inheritance and psychologically abused Lexa to the point of her being able to lie smoothly when confronted by any form of authority.

It wasn’t until her best friend, Anya, overheard her friend’s uncle in one of his gaslighting spiels to Lexa that authorities found out about the poor girl’s condition for 6 years.

She was 14 when Anya’s mother, Indra, took her in and adopted her. And she grew up with her adoptive parents and her adoptive siblings, the twins, Anya and Lincoln.

Lexa had become a great liar and feared social workers, policemen, even teachers and all other sorts of authority because of what Titus had been imprinting on her mind all those years she was under his wing.

Not only did she lose her inheritance but her name was in debt too. Titus had apparently made her accounts that had caused her to owe several banks over ten grand. Indra and her husband, Gustus, worked late hours to clear her name and because of that, Lexa had learned to be more open to adults.

Being under therapy and with a new family, Lexa eventually blossomed and worked hard towards getting a full-ride scholarship to Polis University so as not to be a burden to her family. It took years for her to accept how their love was unconditional and how deserving she was of it.

However, that didn’t mean she was open to the idea of being romantically loved by another soul.

Despite being told numerous times how beautiful and kind-hearted she was or being made aware of the fact that she was popular at school, it was never enough to make her believe that she was worthy of that kind of love.

“Alright, listen up freshies!” Lexa jerked her head towards the voice that was all too familiar.

“I’m Anya and I’ll be your guide today.” Everyone was eerily quiet. Anya had that effect no doubt. Lexa couldn’t hold back her proud smirk.

“Grounder princess looks hot when she’s pissed.” Lexa's eyes bulged. It sounded like a girl and said girl had no filter or fear for the terrifying Anya before them.

“You!”

 _Fuck. Anya hates being subjected to this kind of ‘catcalling’ especially in front of people she doesn’t know._ Lexa squirmed for this girl.

“Yes, handsome?” _Whoa, this girl is begging for a death sentence._ It looked like the same gorgeous tanned girl she noticed earlier.

“Not you! The girl beside you.” Anya continued.

“Wha- me?” The girl beside the suspect exclaimed.

“Yes. Come over here one sec” Anya pointed to the spot next to her and the girl hesitantly walked towards her.

As soon as the girl reached the spot, Anya swiftly turned her around to face the crowd.

_Holy mother of…_

Lexa could literally feel something warm inside her chest. The same feeling you get when you can feel and let your soul be consumed by the harmony of an orchestra, or when you can completely immerse yourself in a play and feel the pain and joy the talented actors are trying to convey.

It was very foreign for young naïve Lexa. She doesn’t know what this emotion is, she can only compare it to music and plays or parts of books she loved when read between the lines. She understands this girl in front of them is incredibly attractive _but what is this accompanying feeling?_

“I know you know who it was that disrespected me. I saw your expression. Who was it? And don’t waste our time, people are expecting us throughout this tour.” Anya seethed.

Lexa could swear everyone around her can feel the energy Anya was sending out. She was just glad her best friend slash sister was someone she got used to early on in her life. She pitied these poor innocent souls.

“Uhmm if.. if people are expecting us, shouldn’t we just get on with the tour?” The girl’s voice squeaked by the end of it when that energy emanating from Anya seemed to threaten everyone again. A low menacing growl coming from her sister.

_Anya, please don’t._

Suddenly, the girl’s demeanor changed. The beautiful blonde sighed and straightened her posture. “I’m sorry about that hot stuff. I was caught off guard. I really do think you look hot when you’re pissed.” The blonde ended with a wink and a smirk.

Lexa’s eyes bulged again, and the rest of the freshman group gasped. _I could’ve sworn it was the other girl that called out Anya, the Latina girl who’s now worriedly looking over at the stunning blonde._

Lexa looked back to the girl beside Anya, who was staring up at her in defiance still with a smirk on her lips.

“And what’s your name then _hot stuff_?” Anya asked. _Oh no._

“Clarke.” The girl supplied with pride and honor.

“Clarke.” Anya tested. “You may find yourself in front of this group and do the tour yourself. And once you’re done, you may proceed to the disciplinary office as you may know from the University policies, catcalling is a major offense in the campus. Here is your tour map. Feel free to start.”

Anya started walking behind her towards the rest of the students as if she were one of the freshmen.

“So is bullying, I’ve read.” The girl looked up from the map she was holding, staring at Anya again.

“What?” Anya seethed through clenched teeth.

“This isn’t my job, it’s yours and you’re making me do it while trying to embarrass me, isn’t that bullying? I think we may both find ourselves at the disciplinary office once this tour is over.” The girl turned around this time.

“Alright, Freshies! If you could be silent and follow closely we will now begin our tour!” Clarke called out.

Everyone and Lexa means everyone had their jaws a few inches from the floor, including Anya. Lexa hadn’t realized that throughout Anya and Clarke’s exchange, she had moved towards the front of the group and witnessed how dumbfounded the students were. Lexa, however, she already knew this girl was special so she simply watched in amazement how this girl talked and acted.

Anya let out an incredulous huff as if she could taste her own medicine. She shook her head and followed Clarke as did everyone else.

Lexa could tell Anya was impressed by Clarke; everyone was too. And Lexa could not just stop staring at the girl in front of her. She heard and truly listened to every word out of her mouth and her sight followed every movement of Clarke’s.

Every time Clarke paused to look at the map and read out a few important and useful facts of the buildings, Lexa slowed down her pace to simply put a respectable distance and air for Clarke to breathe in. She was protective of her. Unwittingly, Lexa had put Clarke at such a high pedestal that she could never bring herself to accept that Clarke could ever like her enough to even be just an acquaintance.

_Lexa will never deserve someone like Clarke, and she’s known that for three years now._

With a deep breath, Lexa ended her stroll down memory lane and walked back to her dorm room.


	2. Wake Up, Lexa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snap out of your self-deprecation Lexa, you are beautiful.

“Come on, Lex. You’ve been studying day in, day out.” Anya poked her head from the bathroom of the dorm room they share.

Anya was now a senior and she was at the top of her class and graduating in 2 months. She doesn’t even give a damn about finals anymore as she’d done her preparations from the beginning of the term.

But Lexa being Lexa, she cares even if she’s done the same things Anya did and is also at the top of her class. She believes she can’t take a fall in anything in her life so she wouldn’t burden her family as she believed deep down she’s always had, no matter how wrong she actually is on that.

“An, you know I can’t. I took these extra credits for a reason and I need to pass every one of them so I have a better chance of getting into the Law department.” Lexa answered from her study table, focused on the notes she was reading.

“But a little birdie told me a _griffin_ would be there.” At that, Lexa’s head whipped up and saw Anya smirking at her already.

After that tour three years ago, Anya and Clarke took themselves to the disciplinary office where they sentenced themselves to a couple of hours of community service.

Luckily for Clarke, her best friends, Raven and Octavia had her back as they always had for each other, much to Anya’s dismay. Raven admitted then that she was the one that catcalled her so she apparently had every right to be there to help her best friend clean the school grounds. Octavia had no excuse so she simply ‘kicked’ trash around while ‘waiting’ for her best friends, obviously trying to ‘kick’ it towards a pile to make it easier for Raven and Clarke to collect.

Lincoln and Lexa were just amused at the scene and didn’t even try to help their sister, again, much to Anya’s dismay.

Clarke was just focused on the task at hand, sometimes pausing and looking into the distance. Her best friends didn’t bother her, as if they were used to Clarke being this way. Days later, Lexa found out Clarke was an Art student which then explained Clarke’s beautiful enigmatic ways.

Even then, Lexa had just observed Clarke. Seeing as Clarke never glanced at her, she kept on staring and taking mental notes of everything Clarke. But their friends were able to notice how obvious Lexa was and how oblivious Clarke was.

Nobody teased them though. Not even Raven. Anya had specifically warned them not to put Lexa in any sort of social awkwardness as her sister had a brief albeit tough childhood experience and Lincoln seconded saying he never wishes harm on anyone but if his little sister was in any way uncomfortable, he was not afraid to put anyone to their place. Octavia immediately paid heed to Anya’s warning, and Raven behaved after Lincoln’s speech. After all, from the beginning they could tell how sweet he was but how terrifying he could be if he was triggered.

“Okay.” Lexa immediately responded.

Throughout the years, Lexa had never once uttered a word to Clarke. Whenever they were in the same room, Lexa had always stayed in the opposite corner. Whenever she saw Clarke was approaching, she would quickly get up and look for something else to do.

The only form of communication she had with Clarke was nonverbal. She would greet Clarke by a wave of her hand and a tight-lipped smile, she’d sometimes acknowledge her with a nod, and she’d pass her anything Clarke asked for. Even the slightest of touches during these passes would already brighten up Lexa’s day. She would usually excuse herself to the bathroom and be giddy at her own reflection in the mirror. She’s well aware it’s silly but she knows she’ll never be worthy of Clarke.

“Hey Lex, Clarke asked me today if she could paint you sometime soon,” Anya said hesitantly but her eyes seemed… _hopeful?_

“P-Paint me?” Lexa stammered. _Is Anya making fun of me now?_

“Yeah, she said she had a project due for finals. She wants to ask you herself but she thought she needed my opinion first on how to ask you that would make you agree.” Anya shrugged.

“ _Me?_ ” Lexa still couldn’t believe it. She unconsciously got up from her chair.

Anya nodded.

“Wait, she really asked for your advice on how to approach me?”

Again, Anya nodded and a bit more enthusiastic this time.

“But why me?” Lexa’s brows furrowed even more.

“I’m not sure, I asked her but she was rather vague. Something about your presence.”

“Wait, please, please tell me word for word. And also how did she look like as she said those words?” Lexa moved closer to Anya from where she stood. Like a child excitedly waiting to hear a bedtime story.

Anya sighed. Lexa always did this. Every time Anya would share something that Clarke did and said that she was not a witness to, she would make her sister explain in detail how it went. Lexa always wanted to savor everything there is about Clarke.

“Anya, I know I sound crazy obsessed but you know how I am when it comes to Clarke.” Lexa looked at her fingers as they fidgeted with each other.

“And I will never understand how you’re so in love with her but you could never let yourself actually love her.” Anya shook her head. Desperately trying to make her sister understand that Clarke was just a regular person and Lexa was worthy of anyone’s attention.

Lexa didn’t answer.

“Lex, trust me, Clarke’s single and bi. She’s smart and kind and she’s a completely sensible, level-headed person. And you’re single because of Clarke and you’re a wonderful, kind and amazing person. Each of you guys is worth ten times the best people I know. And you know I don’t spurt out cheesy crap like this but I will because I mean it. You two deserve each other. You gotta see it Lex, everyone else can say the same. If you gave it a chance, Clarke will definitely be interested romantically. Hell, she’s already making plans to secure a ‘yes’ just to paint you.”

Lexa blushed by the end of Anya’s speech but she’s still not feeling hopeful as she expected.

So that she doesn’t disappoint Anya, she just nodded and stopped arguing.

Anya sighed inwardly, she knew she hasn’t cut through her sister's insecurities.

“Just dress casually, Lex. You know how these parties can be.”

Lexa nodded again.


	3. Where did that come from?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the Party.  
> Someone tries to make a romantic gesture, someone tries to dodge it.

The party wasn’t in full swing yet. But she can already see a few of her friends busying themselves in the kitchen looking like they were gathering food and drinks to take elsewhere.

Lexa, Anya, and Lincoln followed their trail and it led them to a small bonfire in the back. Monty’s house was always one of the best locations for this kind of party as it was big and just a few minutes from the campus.

Over the years, they had formed this friendship through a common high school background and then merged that. Anya, Lincoln, Lexa, Echo, Ontari, Nyko, Maya, and some more others graduated from the public high school, Trikru High. An affiliated institute to Polis University, that’s why Polis University was also home to ‘Grounders’, the same mascot of Trikru High. The other group of high school friends was from Arkadia High, a school from the next town. Students there were Clarke, Raven, Octavia, Bellamy, Harper, Costia, Monty, Jasper and some more others as well.

Around the bonfire, almost everyone has already gathered around. Talking, bickering, laughing, and Clarke... Clarke was playing the guitar and softly singing to herself.

As per usual, Lexa sat across from Clarke. All 13 others were painfully aware of what was to happen. As soon as Lexa took her seat, she had started her “stalker ways” as she had already embarrassingly and painfully dubbed herself to be a master of. However, to their friends, it simply showed a girl longingly looking at something she’s always dearly loved but defeatedly accepted she can never have.

They all wished they could make Lexa have even the tiniest faith in herself. And they also wished Clarke could somehow notice and make the first move. Everyone knew Clarke has always been single, but because she was a mystery to them, and sometimes even to her best friends, they could never find a way to make Clarke see without it being too obvious that something was up. After all, no matter how oblivious Clarke was in this, they realized on several occasions, how brilliant and cunning Clarke can actually be.

The always soft, whisper-like playing guitarist suddenly strummed the guitar seemingly trying to catch people’s attention. And it did. Soon everyone stopped talking and listened. Clarke was like that. Always silent but when she wants attention she gets it with the mere snap of her fingers. _Or in this case, strum with her fingers._

A soft tune started an unfamiliar song. And as soft as the song started, the lyrics slowly made its way in too.

_Do you hear me?_

_I’m crying, pleading, calling out to you._

_Do you see me?_

_You’re all I see when my eyes are closed._

_Will you give me?_

_The freedom I’ve longed from you._

_The keys you’ve held so close to you._

_I’m begging you to.._

_..Set. Me. Free._

_Open my cell, take me away._

_Carry the ball I’ve been dragging all this time._

_Hold the chair steady take off this nook._

_Please look at me. Don’t run away. I’m begging you._

_I am here._

Clarke continued her strumming as she got off the chorus. Everyone was shocked. Nobody’s heard this song before. Nobody’s heard Clarke sing aloud before, let alone a song that appears to be an original. Everyone could obviously agree this song was sad yet heart-warming, truly soulful as more people gathered around the group of friends. A lot of them as enamored as the original bonfire settlers were.

The chords were an amazing mix of soft and epic, and the lyrics were heartfelt as if everyone could relate to it even though they only had a gist of it still. Lexa observed some music majors amongst the newcomers as well. It was obvious in their faces that they, too, were engrossed by Clarke and her song.

_Will you hear me?_

_I’ll bribe the muses to sing for you._

_Will you see me?_

_I’ll steal the spotlight so you’ll notice me._

_Will you give me?_

_The freedom to be with you._

_The keys so I could open your mind._

_I beg you to.._

_..Set. Us. Free._

_Open your heart, let me love you._

_Carry this flame, I’ve been carrying for you._

_Hold my hand, don’t let me drown._

_Let me take your heart. Let me love you in the light. I’m begging you._

_I’m right here._

The song slowly ended. It was silent for a moment. In that one moment, Clarke looked up and smiled straight at Lexa. In that moment of stillness, Clarke looked straight into Lexa’s eyes sending her a silent message that Lexa surprisingly understood. _I’m here_.

And the magic broke off as they noticed the applause and cheers the beautiful musician was awarded. Clarke looked around the bonfire and nodded at everyone, sweetly, shyly smiling at her audience.

“Holy shit! Where the hell did that come from?!” Raven exclaimed suddenly all too sober now.

And then the slew of inquisitions from around them began. It was all too overwhelming for Lexa so she got up and excused herself towards the house.

_Holy crap! Holy crap! Why did she smile at me? Did she smile at me? Did that happen? That song- Why does it feel so strange?_

To their friends, except Raven apparently, they felt to whom that song was for. They could feel the entirety of the song, its lyrics, chords, and even the pauses, being rattled like a machine gun to one particular person sitting with them.

It was strange. Nobody could fully understand Clarke. Her mystery was a mystery in itself, too beguiling and yet deserving of its space to be mysterious. Like a question that needs to remain unanswered as it is too beautiful to answer. But in those few minutes of the song, their friends understood, they had a glimpse of Clarke’s heart. But its muse just walked away.

And their heart broke, looking at Clarke looking at her love drifting away from her. They saw how Clarke finally made a big statement only to be rejected instantly.

Suddenly, all of them and again except Raven, stood up, startling Clarke, Raven, and the outsiders. As soon as they saw each other, they all knew what they were all planning to do and oddly, they all exclaimed at the same time what they were ‘intending’ to do.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” Said Octavia and Ontari

“I’ll check if we still have enough food.” Monty offered.

“I'm hungry…” Harper agreed.

“Wanna go hide in one of the bedrooms?” Bellamy looked at Echo as she was about to say something else.

"We need more beer," Nyko observed.

“I wonder if …” Maya trailed off and just left.

“I’m gonna go see if they.. well you know.” Jasper weirdly explained his part.

To make things weirder the twin Woods exclaimed together, “Uhh poop. Yeah,” and then they nodded to each other before they left.

Clarke and Raven just looked at all of them, they couldn’t understand what was going on but they knew something was up.

It wasn’t until they heard Costia’s excuse that Clarke understood, “I’ll go check on Lexa.”

Everyone knew Costia and Lexa dated freshman year. And everyone knew Lexa didn’t realize it was actually a date that Costia invited her to until after it when Costia thought they had a great time and slowly leaned in with Lexa’s lips in mind.

Everyone knew that story, how Lexa slowly and subtly backed away when she realized and how profusely she apologized to Costia for being so dumb as to only realize what was going on. Lexa opened the door to her dorm room and grabbed Costia’s hand and hurriedly explained to her that she was in love with Clarke. And how desperately in love she was with her.

Costia immediately understood. She was a truly remarkable person and fully supported Lexa although she wanted her to just get on with it and make her move on Clarke.

Everyone thought the story was hilarious. Anya and Lincoln never stopped teasing Lexa about it behind closed doors.

But Costia and Lexa became best friends soon after. Costia became Lexa’s rock and greatest cheerer in her work towards uplifting her esteem, towards finally being able to talk to Clarke. And slowly work her way towards being friends with her and maybe, just maybe, win the blonde’s heart.

Everyone knew the whole story _but_ Clarke. Unbeknownst to all of them, Clarke was at the far end of that hallway when Costia tried to kiss Lexa. Clarke was there when Lexa opened the door. And Clarke was there when she dragged Costia inside.

And just days later, Clarke saw how close Costia and Lexa had become. A bond that remained strong throughout the years. A bond Clarke knew she’ll never have, seeing as how Lexa would never talk to her, how Lexa seemed like she can’t be in the same room as her. And now, how Lexa sprinted away right after her song, perhaps repulsed at the idea of accepting her love.

Clarke turned her head towards Raven and sadly smiled at her as she answered, “that came from my heart.”


	4. Oh how they fell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps it's my last time to win her over?  
> Last chance indeed.

Clarke had busied herself in her final project. She opted not to ask Lexa anymore as she was too frightened at the thought of another rejection.

Lexa, on the other hand, began to hope but as the days passed with still no Clarke approaching her for that final project Anya told her about, she lost that tiny spark of hope immediately. She knew it was too good to be true.

It had been a month since that bonfire song. A month since Clarke poured her heart out.

Everyone was desperate to just put the two in a room together and tell them about how they apparently love each other. Making the two realize how they felt for one another. They would go so far as to profess the love between the two for the two if it meant it would stop the silent pining.

Everyone was drowning for the two souls. They just had to do something.

But Lexa stayed all over and anywhere in the library studying for the finals, effectively avoiding them most of the time. And Clarke spent most her days in the studios allotted only for Art students, and outsiders weren’t allowed entry.

Lexa was told almost every single day by everyone, except Raven, how that song was meant for her. But as usual, she could never believe it.

For Clarke, on the other hand, the friends pushed each other to be the one to talk to her. They even picked straws. When Jasper took the shortest, they realized it was an awful idea, much to Jasper’s frustration.

Nobody wanted to be the one to talk to Clarke about it as they had just recently uncovered this knowledge of her affections for the green-eyed brunette. They weren’t even completely sure as the blonde had never officially addressed anything about it to anyone.

Eventually, it was Octavia that offered to do it. She was after all one of her main best friends. But even being that, she was still also looking for the opportunity to address it.

Raven remained oblivious to everything. She didn’t understand why there were whispers around their group. She thought it was gossip but she didn’t have the time and mind for it as she had been carrying around with her, and literally everywhere, several blueprints for something she was building for her final project. It was an AI of sorts that hangs as a tiny pendant but apparently holds technology that allows users to collect vital signs, be a surveillance camera, record fitness program achievements, takes videos and audio, has GPS, instant connection to free wifis from a half-mile radius, a Siri-like program, and surprisingly the feature Raven was proudest of, calls 911 and instantly shows location of distress at the same time sound an alarm to frighten off non-law abiding individuals.

Raven was working on perfecting one and making some more later for all her family and friends. She thought it would make for the greatest Christmas present in a couple of months.

Clarke simply reverted to her usual self. It feels eerie to their friends as it seemed like Clarke wasn’t even affected by it. She didn’t look depressed, she smiled, as usual, she talked as if nothing was bothering her. Nobody knew how to approach it. Even Octavia wondered how she could get the blonde to admit anything.

“Ey yo Clarkey!” Raven called out from the table she was isolated at.

The large group of friends was eating dinner at their favorite campus diner. Everyone, except Raven, was gathered in a booth with 2 conjoined tables for the usual extension.

“I thought you were a genius, why are you not done with that yet?” Clarke mocked from where she was hovering by Raven’s messy table just next to their friends’ table.

Raven scoffed as everyone, including Lexa, chuckled at the ‘genius’ Latina.

Before Raven could answer, the waitress, Niylah turned up the volume. It was breaking news.

_…last night two more women were found at separate locations with bodies mutilated and almost unrecognizable. Police were able to find seminal evidence that were sent to the laboratory and results were officially released this morning. Three unknown suspects have been behind 49 known cases since 2014. Families cry for justice and the police departments have received major backlash for having hidden this simple yet large information for five years. According to Superintendent Watson, despite the lack of facial sketches, they have leads that they’re investigating and believe they’re on to something big. It is still unknown…_

The diner was suddenly filled with outrage. People from left to right were losing their appetites at the news of how these three disgusting individuals the authorities had labeled, “Ice gang” were still at large. The suspects apparently enjoyed their criminal proclivities as they always leave behind crumbs for the police to find. All 49 cases mentioned previously had the same clues that would lead to the same suspects. However, it was rather difficult as there wasn’t any pattern for the suspects’ choices of victims. The crumbs they left seemed like a form of enjoyment, of the thrill of leaving evidences but still not being found.

“See, that is why I’m ‘still’ working on this,” Raven answered as she air-quoted. “Bastards like those need to be taken into custody and my device can save lives. I _have_ to perfect this.” Raven continued, peeking out her tongue as she ducked her head again to work on her project.

Clarke looked on at her friend and smiled serenely. _Despite having a mouth like that, her head and heart are always in the right places._

Everyone in the other table seemed to silently agree as well, nodding proudly at their good friend.

“Oy! By the way, that song you sang, mind telling us who you were singing it to?” Raven asked still focusing on her project. “You told me that came from your heart. I didn’t even know you were crushing on someone, Grif. Who was it for?” Raven looked up with innocent curiosity at the furiously blushing blonde. Everyone else behind Clarke, except Lexa, was glaring at her. And still, Raven didn’t notice.

 _Really that mouth! Can’t she build a filter?_ Their friends thought the same.

“I uh, I wrote it for” Clarke gulped, looked to the people behind her before she continued.

Before she could resume, Lexa stood upright and grabbed Costia’s hand. Costia, understanding in seconds, grabbed her things and made their excuses. “Sorry, we’re late for a meetup. A couple of study buddies are meeting us in the library today, we’ll be there if you need us.” Costia’s voice drifting away as she was being led away by Lexa.

Clarke followed their movement, even as they walked pass outside their window, her eyes trailed their figures until they disappeared from her sights.

Clarke smiled at the others left stunned, she gulped again, “Lexa. I wrote it for Lexa.”

It was already late, the latest Clarke had ever been in her studio. She didn't want to go home yet though. She knew she needed to but she couldn’t face Raven and Octavia. Even if it’s 4 in the morning, she knew they’d still be up and if not, they’re probably lounging on her dorm room’s couch, snoring and waiting for her.

After her admission in the diner, she ducked her head, breathed deep and released a shaky exhale. She was out now, and she could tell everyone felt bad for her. She understood her friends but she couldn’t handle that right now. She needed to escape to her art. The only thing she pours herself into that doesn’t reject her. _The only Lexa that doesn’t reject her._

She told her friends it’s okay and that she’s known this was going to happen all along. And so that she wouldn’t worry them any further, she stretched her arms as if she was just letting some small stress off her body and nonchalantly ordered her food and continued on the conversations as usual.

Clarke had always been good at controlling her emotions. It’s what made her a great artist. She can control how much she released, how to balance it and when to stop when she feels it’s almost too much. To her, it’s the same answer, although she’s never admitted it before, whenever people commented about her being a mystery or how when she means something, she is able to express it right on the money, whether silently or explicitly. Always.

After a while, she told them she’s gonna go back to her studio to finish her project. _Her Lexa._

They let her go. Clarke knew they believed it when she said she was going to be alright.

Clarked turned back to her project before she shut the lights. It was finally done. She had received permission to turn one of the rooms into an artwork. It was a risk but the dean had thought it was a magnificent idea. Clarke had only hoped it wouldn’t burden Lexa or frighten her away.

The night was really cold but the stars were out. It was so beautiful. She saw there were still students lounging around the campus grounds despite the darkness. Some were perhaps lovers even. She wondered how it would be like if that were her and Lexa. She let her mind wander off to the world she had built in her head and heart for 3 years as she walked slowly back to her dorm building.

She saw a couple of joggers pass by. And that broke off her reverie, _how can people wake up at four in the morning to subject their bodies to that kind of activity?_

She probably won’t mind if it’s a different sort of activity, an activity she had actively played in her head for years with the love of her life as the co-star to these daydreams. She sighed again. _Oh Clarke, you’ll get her I promise. Maybe your project will be the last shot you’ve got but at least you’ve tried. Grand gestures – she deserves that. But if she hates it you can always paint the walls back to white. Just need to practice what you want to say to her as you show her your artwork. Should I get her a gift as I ask her to be mine? I hope she won’t run a–_

A cry for help was suddenly muffled. It was a ‘No’ and despite the short word she knew who owned that voice. She’s heard it in and out of her head for 3 years.

“Lexa.” Clarke gasped. She frantically looked around but made no sound. She thought quickly and realized that if her words were muffled that meant she couldn’t cry out for help no matter how much Clarke called out for her.

She collected herself, looked around and focused on anything. From her periphery, she saw bushes shook. She crouched and as she moved closer, she took out her pocket knife from her bag. It was dark but her eyesight managed to adjust immediately probably owing to her adrenaline rush. As she crawled, she saw a still foot behind the bush while another pair was moving frantically as if trying to break free.

Clarke recognized one of them was Costia, while the other one still conscious and struggling her way out was Lexa.

What Clarke saw enraged her and she was no longer thinking straight. One of the men was slowly undressing Costia, working on removing her jeans while the other two were trying to hold down Lexa, as one of them was unbuckling his belt.

Clarke instantly pounced on the one with Costia from behind, pulled the back of his head downwards as she stabbed the knife to his throat, losing it when the man immediately fell over away from her.

Without her weapon, she still moved quickly to the other one with Lexa who had his back turned towards her, and with all her might, Clarke snapped his neck.

The third man took immediate action and grabbed his own weapon. Clarke can barely see but she knew it was something so she stepped back from the bush dragging him to his exposure, knowing the small amount of light coming from the closest, albeit still at a distance, lamplight will help her win this fight.

As she had hoped, the man followed her as she crawled away towards the pavement. When he caught up to her, Clarke pretended to stay still on the ground only to manage to kick him in the balls making him drop his large knife. Clarke immediately went for it but the man forced himself to recover quickly and picked it up before she could.

Clarke thought it was the end for her but Lexa with her large rock hit him in the back causing him to fall forward. With his knife still in his hand, he swung back and slashed Lexa across her legs, making her fall backward.

On the second time in a matter of minutes, Clarke was full-on enraged again and tried to tackle the man. However, he caught on and turned around and before Clarke could realize, she had unwittingly thrown herself into the man’s knife. Clarke fell to her knees in front of the crouched man and instantly coughed out blood. He smirked face to face with Clarke as if to say, ‘dumb bitch’. He grinned and disturbingly embraced the feeling when some more blood splattered across his face as if it was a fulfilling moment for him.

But Clarke didn’t care, she cared that Lexa was in pain. Lexa cried out for her. Lexa cried for her not to give up. Clarke cared that if she had died then and there, this man could still do as he pleased with Lexa.

With the last of her strength, Clarke pulled out the knife stuck to her chest. And with the man still grinning and his eyes still closed, she plunged the knife to his lower mandible upwards to his brain as if he was a zombie kill. He fell down immediately.

And Clarke followed soon after.


	5. You’re in my mind.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're in my mind.  
> But will you keep me or will you let me go?  
> Will you give me a chance?  
> I am here.

“Hey. Hey. You’re okay. I’m here. Lincoln’s here. You’re okay. Shh...” Anya soothed a frantic Lexa.

“Clarke!” Lexa sobbed and sobbed into her siblings’ arms, as she had the nights and days before, as she had for 3 weeks.

Anya and Lincoln cried with her, as did everyone else.

Raven mourned in her lab. Furiously fixing her device. Blaming herself for everything. _How she was slow in perfecting the thing that could’ve helped Lexa and Costia escape. How the 10 minutes they had been in the possession of their perpetrators could’ve been more than enough time to scare them off and brought the university security within minutes. How if she had not blurted out with her big fat mouth, Costia and Lexa wouldn’t have gone to their obviously spontaneous ‘group study’. And Clarke probably wouldn’t have gone home that late also._

Every one of their friends blamed themselves individually but none felt worse than Lexa, Costia, Octavia, and Raven. Everyone else tried to stay strong for them. Convincing them that things couldn’t have gone any differently; with Anya hating herself for saying the very painful truth, that if it had not happened, more victims could’ve been in those assholes’ ‘bucket list’ and their previous victims wouldn’t have their justice; _that their terrorizing days were finally over._

The friends especially the ones who felt guilty the most yelled at Anya for hours. Anya took it all in and when it was over, they all realize it was the truth. Clarke saved them, any future victims, and Clarke brought justice to the 95 victims and their families.

Relief washed over the entire country when it was reported that the Ice gang were all dead and killed almost single-handedly by Polis University’s Art student, Clarke Griffin and the assistance of one of the supposed victims. In their possession was a list they called, their ‘bucket list’ that had all the names of their victims. Their targets varied, and the goal was to not make any redundancies so as to really expand their ‘conquests’. It was disturbing as it released the names of young children to elderly women. They had a criterion for their next targets, and apparently the current target was a Polis University student fitting the description of Costia. Lexa and Clarke could’ve been in their ‘Collateral Damage List’ had Clarke and Lexa not fought off the bastards.

The country relaxed initially and afterward, cried for Clarke. The story was romanticized as soon as news published Clarke’s final art project. Lexa and Clarke’s family and close friends were amongst the first brought by the Dean to see her artwork.

It was an entire room given to Clarke. A whole room entitled, “Mindspace”. The four-walled room, ceiling, and floor were covered with Clarke’s drawings and paintings. The floor was topped with transparent glass tiles to avoid diminishing the artwork from the constant visits the room was bound to receive as soon as news spread of its existence.

In Clarke’s Mindspace, her family, friends, her memories, her pets, her family home, her dreams, her failures, and nightmares, everything that was constantly on Clarke’s mind boomed out on all walls. It was not too overwhelming as Clarke balanced everything perfectly. The paintings she did weren’t too bright and lively. And her sketches completely balanced the paintings. There was a complete harmony that allowed the visitors, even the non-artists, to appreciate it with all their being.

It was also in the Mindspace that everyone found out Clarke’s first kiss was actually Raven. And Clarke’s first sexual encounter was just a drawing of a man with his back in view, as he laid peacefully on his front in bed. This was a small drawing, _perhaps saying it wasn’t a memorable experience._

But what every visitor would see as soon as they stepped into the room was a mural of Lexa’s face that started off from her head to her shoulders. It was the largest portrait in relation to everything else.

The painting of Lexa showed her radiant face. Clarke painted her like she was a goddess. Lexa’s eyes were glossy as if she was sad, but anyone can feel the silent joy emanating from her face. Lexa looked serene, ethereal, and gorgeous. You can almost feel her soul and drown from just staring into her emerald eyes.

As soon as Lexa faced herself in Clarke’s Mindspace, it was clear to her and everyone else just how much space Lexa took in Clarke’s mind. She realized then how wrong she was in putting distance between them. How wrong she was in thinking that Clarke never once thought of her. How she believed Clarke could never love her back. _She was so wrong, and now she knew it._

Lexa bawled and dropped to her knees. She wanted to run as far away as she could, feeling constricted in the rather big room she was in. But she realized she had always run away from Clarke since freshman year. She realized the only times she ever moved towards the blonde was the first time she saw her in orientation day when she unconsciously walked towards Clarke as if she was a moth and Clarke was the flame. And the last was when she had tried to save her, allowing Clarke to save her back.

Their friends were equally mesmerized and deeply saddened all at the same time. Finally understanding Clarke’s being. Words were unsaid but they all felt it, _the mystery was answered. And they learned about it too late._

After their visit, news spread and people from different parts of the world came to see what was on Clarke Griffin’s mind.

_"The heroine who coincidentally finished her masterpiece, on the same day she gave up her life for the woman she loved."_

Clarke’s family and friends were constantly harassed even to this day by the media, by fans, by acquaintances. So much so that the University Chancellor had threatened to close the Mindspace and offered security measures for Clarke’s friends.

The hospital was even worse. A vigil was held starting from the morning the news came out and Clarke was being fought for in the operating room.

Her mother wasn’t even allowed entry into the room as it would’ve been too hard on Abby and the surgeons had to keep their focus on Clarke.

Clarke had already lost a lot of blood as soon as she fell to the ground. It took a whole 3 minutes when joggers came to their rescue and one of them, a fireman, carried Clarke without any preamble immediately to the hospital which was thankfully only a few minutes away.

The fireman that brought Clarke was obviously an expert and weaved through the little traffic there was at half-past four in the morning and got Clarke into the emergency room in an incredulously short time of 2 minutes.

Doctors operated right away. Lexa and Costia were brought in 10 minutes later, with Lexa constantly harassing the paramedics to take them to the hospital right away. Their family and friends came less than an hour later and immediately found Costia and Lexa sobbing, holding each other for dear life, waiting outside the operating room for any news about Clarke.

During the wait, the two girls were interviewed by the detectives, allowing their friends to really hear out what had happened. As soon as Lexa finished, all of them was a sobbing mess. And Abby made a scene to let her help in the operation. She only calmed down as soon as Jake made her realize that her presence there could dwindle the doctors’ attention on Clarke. They needed to focus on Clarke alone.

The wait was excruciating. There were reporters outside the hospital, and they were constantly cranky. It was only because one of the doctors came out mid-way of the operation to inform them of the progress that allowed them to keep a few of their sanity intact. And 11 hours later, the lead surgeon came out after Clarke’s surgery was closed.

Clarke lost a lot of blood and had to be revived twice on the table. The stab wound was on her chest and punctured her left lung, it was just a few centimeters away from effectively killing Clarke. Only a tiny cut reached Clarke’s heart and it was still deadly enough. However, the removal of the knife from Clarke’s chest allowed for air to enter the outer wall of her lung, causing her left lung to nearly fail, and not to mention internal bleeding was added into the mix. It was already a miracle that Clarke partially lost her life on the table and not at the scene of the crime or during transport where it could’ve been very late to save her.

They were all relieved to hear Clarke was already transported to the intensive care unit but as soon as they heard Clarke’s prognosis, they all bawled again.

Clarke’s brain activity was weak. She was in a coma. Her heart had already failed her twice. Her lungs need constant ventilator support. There was a poor chance of Clarke ever waking up again.

It had been three weeks and a decision was made.

Clarke’s prognosis remained. Her brain activity had only little improvement, her lungs would not work on its own when they tried weaning her off the ventilator. And worst of all, she suddenly flatlined right before their very eyes three days ago. All of them witnessed doctors and nurses trying to bring Clarke back.

The next day, arguments were bouncing all over the room the hospital management had kindly allotted for the Griffin family and friends. Abby and Jake had sadly presented to everyone the idea of letting Clarke go.

Lexa was still sobbing in her siblings’ arms when she woke up from a beautiful-dream-turned-nightmare.

_She and Clarke were on the school grounds, under a big thornless sunburst honey locust tree. Clarke was leaning her back to the tree with Lexa wrapped around Clarke’s arms; her back leaned to Clarke’s front. They were giggling and whispering sweet nothings as they always had. And then suddenly Clarke slowly stood up and walked in front of Lexa. Clarke looked down at her and smiled sadly before she walked away. Lexa got up and followed her, asking her where she was going. Clarke just walked silently and calmly before she went around a tree and Lexa lost her. Lexa, worried, ran after Clarke and as she turned around the tree, she stopped dead on her tracks. She was faced with a tombstone._

_Clarke Griffin_

_1998 – 2019_

_A dear daughter, a true friend, a kind and epic soul._

Just like in her nightmare, Lexa cried and didn’t stop even after she woke up in her siblings’ arms.

“Shh, Lex. Calm down.” Lincoln soothed his little sister. This is just too much for them to bear.

“We need to go, Lex. Come on.” Anya slowly pulled her off the bed.

Lexa had stopped taking care of herself since the incident. She remained slightly positive at first, and she found some more fighting spirit four days after that night when the Dean invited them to Clarke’s Mindspace. She remained hopeful that one day, Clarke will take her there herself because it did not make sense for Clarke to put so much effort into it only for her not to witness her family and friends’ impression of it. Most especially, Lexa’s.

 _It did not make sense at all_.

But now it was different. A decision was made and she gets to talk to Clarke face to face once more, _one last time._

“I don’t want to” Lexa’s voice small almost solemn, as she was pulled up but she could only feel hollow within. _Like she was just a shell and nothing else._

“Lex, please. You need this. You have to say goodbye.” Anya’s voice cracked.

And with that, a single tear fell from Lexa’s eye but still, she stared into space, into nothing.

“If I go there, she will let go. She needs to fight, An.” Lexa now looks straight into Anya’s eyes. Hoping Anya would be on her side this time.

Everyone fought off the Griffin parents when they discussed pulling Clarke’s plug off. Their arguments made sense. Clarke needed to rest. She’s suffering and she deserved peace. One by one, the friends stopped fighting, until it was only Lexa’s voice left, begging on her knees to reconsider. Abby and Jake were quick to kneel with her but by the end of it all, they signed the papers and Lexa lost consciousness.

“Lexa… they will pull the plug with or without you there. You have to say goodbye.” And with that Lexa lets go of her consciousness again, her mind swimming into nothingness.

She didn’t even realize it that she was now wearing a dress, standing with everyone in front of a beautiful unconscious blonde. The very same goddess that captured Lexa’s heart the exact moment she laid eyes on her. She remembered the snarky blonde and the exchange she had with her sister on that first day and it got her to giggle.

Lexa didn’t notice but everyone looked towards her. They didn’t know what to make of that giggle. Lexa’s parents were there behind her all the way and had cried with their children almost every day for 3 weeks straight. They feared the real possibility that Lexa’s lost it. That they’ve lost their daughter.

“Lexa, sweetie, it’s your turn.” Abby cooed.

It was instinct that drove her to take the steps. To take the steps towards her true love, silently taking her hand and squeezed it.

It amazed her that she feels regret again as it was only pain that accompanied her day in, day out. She regrets never having held these soft beautiful hands before, hands that could create stories, evoke emotions, and touch the very core of a person’s soul should she wish to. Hell, even touched the whole world as foreign visitors continue to seek out Clarke’s Mindspace. The vigil outside grew larger and was constant too.

People were outraged that Clarke’s plug was being pulled. National media debates were once again raised for the sake of fighting for Clarke’s rights. Clarke was everywhere. And Lexa was only reminded of what was supposedly always hers but never was.

“Clarke..” Lexa’s voice strained as she recalled the last moments they had while Clarke was still conscious.

_\--- 3 weeks ago ---_

Lexa was mortified to witness Clarke lunge herself towards the waiting knife.

She tried getting up and begged for Clarke to fight this when suddenly, Clarke did fight and Lexa knew then, she knew Clarke was fighting _for her._

As soon as the knife plunged into the man’s jaw, Lexa dove towards the right side where she saw Clarke was about to fall to. She scratched the whole length of her arms when she fell onto the rough pavement just seconds before Clarke landed on her body.

Quickly, Lexa sat up and pulled Clarke’s upper body towards hers, pushing with all her might onto the wound where she saw blood seeping out. Lexa yelled for help and it felt like a long time before she heard someone yell back after her.

When she saw two joggers running their way, Lexa relaxed a little and focused on Clarke.

“Clarke, listen to me. You’ll be okay. I promise you, you’ll be fine.” Lexa stammered between shuddering breaths.

Clarke could only splutter blood from her mouth, and Lexa felt like she was dying with Clarke. “I.. love. You. Lexa… M’sorry took me.. this long. Don’t.. blame.. your. self. P-promise me.”

Lexa cried even harder and whimpered out loud. “SOMEBODY PLEASE, HURRY UP!” She could see the two joggers were running as fast as they could. _They were so close._

“Promise. Me.” She heard a wheezing whisper.

“No, Clarke. Please don’t leave me. I love you too. I love you. I love you. Please, I won’t make that promise unless you fight too, Clarke! Please fight. Baby, please, I love you so much. Don’t leave me.” Lexa whimpered and begged, her words seemed to calm both of them. It was a mantra but it was so much more than that. It was the first time they expressed their feelings for one another.

Even with tears in her eyes, Clarke grinned, her teeth covered with blood, after hearing those sweet words she’s longed to hear for years. _Finally, she’s got it._

“Clarke, please stay with me, okay? I’ll do everything for you and with you. Baby, we haven’t even kissed yet. I need to feel you, love. I need to make love to you. Baby, fight this, please. Fight with me.” Lexa continued to beg, making promises she fully intends to keep when Clarke gets better. Lexa needs to be optimistic and she has to make Clarke fight.

Clarke’s grin grew larger if even possible. It seemed comical for her but she was just so happy hearing those words and being in the arms of the woman she loves.

“I’ll.. try.” Her voice soft as she started painfully wheezing, gasping for breath.

Right then, the large jogger saw the blood coming off Clarke’s chest and mouth. And as he already saw the other man with a knife stuck to his jaw, he quickly held Clarke into his arms and ran. He called out to his friend to take care of Lexa as his friend talked on the phone with 911.

“Clarke, your body gave up three times and three times you came back to us. That means something right? So please baby, come back. You said you’ll try and you have. You still are, you came back.” Lexa’s body remained glued to Clarke’s but being careful of all the tubes attached to her love.

She didn’t full-on sob as she retold the night when Clarke was last conscious. That night they made their promises to each other. But right now she still cried as she held onto Clarke, pleading for her to stay.

Everyone around them cried along but no one dared interrupt Lexa. Truth be told, Lexa’s unflinching hope that Clarke will wake up was the only hope everyone, including Jake and Abby, were holding on to.

“Please, baby.” Lexa whispered into the room full of crying people.

It seemed like hours had passed. None of the nurses and doctors even tried to pull Lexa away. No one dared to go anywhere near the ventilator when Lincoln, Gustus, and Anya stood around it, with their fronts to everyone else, protecting the machine. When one of the doctors first reacted to their stand, Raven muttered, “I can identify and make your car go 'boom' in less than 15 minutes.”

Everyone remained quiet, with only the beeping of the machine telling them of the heart that was still beating. _Fighting._

They can all hear it. And it told them the clear message. _I’m still here._

A clearing of the throat overruled the machines. “We’d like to nullify the papers, please.”

“But Jake…” one of the doctors began.

“Monty, T-minus 15 minutes. Let’s begin the search.” Raven threatened again from where she stood. And in addition to that, 17 pairs of eyes glared at the doctor at the same time.

“Okay, we’re sorry. We’ll prepare the papers, Abby, Jake.” The doctor nodded to them and rushed out.

As soon as the other doctors left, every single person in the room, including the nurses, felt relieved to the bones.

_\--- 6 days later ---_

“So Clarke, I managed to talk to Professor Klein. He was the only one who wanted to be fair and give you grades basing only on your performance minus the 4 weeks you’re indisposed.” Lexa paused as she popped a grape into her mouth. “He says he’s willing to give you a full year to compensate before he officially gives you a final grade.”

“Whoa, you got him to do that? I could never convince him to accept a late paper let alone a full year to make up for it.” Bellamy asked from the floor where he, Costia, Lincoln, Maya, and Jasper were sitting on as they played a new card game.

Everyone else was scattered elsewhere, making final papers, reading a book, browsing through their phone, eating pizza while the four parents were seated on the table by the far corner of the room drinking tea.

“It’s probably because he wants to sleep with you, Bell. So he has to seem indifferent about it.” Raven commented as she goes over her blueprints making sure there were no mistakes as she had trouble fixing one of the features because it indirectly caused failure on another feature when it was fixed and vice versa. Now, it seemed perfect but she thinks it’s too good to be true so she’s been double-checking.

Bellamy grew pale at the idea and before he could comment, Octavia added, “Costia and I actually noticed once that he was checking you out 2 years ago when you joined that ridiculous talent show.”

“Hey.. I won that contest.” An all too familiar, hoarser voice silenced the room and stopped everyone on their tracks. A voice they had only heard the past 4 weeks from the videos they were looking through, reminiscing memories with the one life they were always at the brink of losing lately.

And all at once, they turned their heads toward the bed. Lexa was already seated on it by Clarke’s side. And she was the first to witness the beautiful blue eyes, as bright as the sky outside, open up to meet the green watery eyes that never lost hope that green and blue would meet again.

“CLARKE!” Lexa instantly dove into her arms as carefully as she could manage.

Clarke slowly brought her left hand over to the back of Lexa’s head, coaxing the girl from this new high.

“I’m here.”


	6. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Ever After or May We Meet Again?

“Mooom,” Clarke groaned as she pouted.

“Clarke, they’re your friends. They don’t care.” Abby tried again to console her daughter.

“It’s gross! Please, I can walk. I promise.” Clarke continued on with her protest as her friends just chuckled behind Abby.

Abby paused trying to contain her laughter too. But Jake was already howling beside her, making Clarke blush even further.

“Mom, there’s a girl I’ve been trying to impress for years, and apparently for 4 weeks she, along with everyone else, has seen liquid drained off of me, so please, please. I beg you, take this thing out.”

Everyone was now full-on laughing. Some of her friends were doubling over. Others were turning red, and some exclaimed how bad their stomach was hurting. They all laughed and Lexa was the only one still trying to stifle her giggle.

But as soon as the beeping of the machine became erratic, telling them of how fast the heartbeat of the owner was, Lexa immediately became stern.

“Hey, shut it before I throw everyone out!” Lexa was serious and they were surprised at first as she was never this imposing before but expected it nonetheless seeing as how she was the past 4 weeks by Clarke’s bedside.

“Alright, I’m sorry, baby. I’ll get the nurse to remove the catheter. Calm down.”

“Sorry Clarke, I think I can say this for everyone but we’re just happy how you’re so loud and complaining. It’s a relief after the weeks of silence. You have no idea…” Octavia added sheepishly.

Everyone agreed and nodded before Jake shooed them away as a nurse came in.

Lexa was the last to leave and she and Clarke held their gazes before Lexa closed the door. Clarke was just staring at her with a shy smile on her face. Lexa’s gaze was even softer. Heart eyes were just thrown back and forth between them.

Everyone stayed patient out in the hallway but they were beginning to worry. Lexa started fidgeting with her hands, tapping it on her legs like a percussion instrument as she stayed in her place leaning against the wall beside the door. It had been 20 minutes since the nurse went in and she still hasn’t come out.

“Lexa, honey, she’s probably just in the bathroom trying to look presentable.” Jake teased wiggling his eyebrows.

Everyone saw how the blush crept up Lexa’s face to her ears. And they all smiled at it. They were just as excited to have Clarke conscious once again.

“Would you like to go in first and talk to her alone for a minute? We can go and get something to eat and bring some food for you guys.” Abby added with a warm smile.

“I-I’m just kind of nervous now.” Lexa fidgeted with her hands again, looking down and away from curious eyes.

“You’re kidding me right, Lex? You talked to her every day for weeks telling her how much you love her with terms of endearment and all. That should be enough practice for you to talk to her now.” Anya asked getting frustrated again; thinking about how much progress Lexa’s made in her love life only to chicken out now.

“That’s the thing, Anya, I’ve been showing and telling her how much I love her but she was unconscious the whole time. The last memory she has of me was.. was..” Lexa choked down the tears threatening to come out, unable to think back on the last time they actually talked.

Lexa caught herself quickly though and continued, “Her last memory of me, was the first time we talked and professed our feelings for each other. And although I’ve been here for weeks, I must still be a stranger to her right now.”

It all made sense, everyone understood Lexa’s hesitation then, and they were all too eager to console her and tell her there was absolutely nothing to be nervous and scared about. But before they could start, the door slowly opened to a Clarke dressed in her hospital gown but in sweat pants, holding on to her stand that carries her IV fluids. After a beat, the nurse excused herself once she’s made sure Clarke was capable of standing by herself.

“Mom, Dad, I want pizza and ice cream.” Clarke brought on her adorable puppy dog eyes. One Lexa is very familiar with after years of stealing longing gazes at her love.

“Alright, sweetie, we’ll see what we can do.” Abby cooed at her daughter. At this point, she just wanted to spoil her for as long as she wanted to.

“Alright, if you’ll excuse us, Lexa and I have lots to discuss.” Clarke turned her head to where Lexa was standing now.

Lexa’s only response was a set of widened eyes and her brows shooting up, very much curious as to what Clarke wanted to say to her.

“Hey, you were the one that promised me kisses and that you wanted to feel me and make love to me.” Clarke raised an eyebrow with a smirk on place.

Lexa’s head was like a lightbulb covered in pink paint being switched on. She was furiously blushing and she could feel goosebumps all over her body _and spirit._

Their parents choked but their friends doubled-over again, barely containing the volume of their guffaw. The nurses were very adamant in shushing them.

After wiping her eyes, Costia was the first to lead them out, “Okay, lovebirds, we’ll give you an hour and a half tops, that should be enough time to get it on.” She winked at Clarke and Lexa before she started moving.

“Wait one sec,” Raven took off one of her shoes, and quickly removed a sock and placed it on the doorknob. They chuckled again, earning another shushing from the nurses’ station.

“Alright you guys, leave before you further ruin my luck.” Clarke joked before catching the eyes of Lexa’s parents who were honestly just amused by the lightness of it all.

“Uhmm, I mean, I’m not a perv, I promise.” Clarke stammered and looked at Lexa, “I’m sorry.” Clarke was immediately guilty, she saw no one was offended by what was happening but she hasn’t even tried to win over Lexa and her parents yet, and already she’s made a poor first impression.

Quickly, Lexa smiled, walked over to Clarke, and softly pressed her body to her; her arms draped on Clarke’s shoulders before she slowly let her lips meet Clarke’s.

It was a sweet spontaneous first kiss. Their lips moved accordingly but it was all innocent. So pure and intense at the same time, it felt like a jolt ran throughout their bodies, both feeling like there were sparks on every nerve ending. _Perhaps this is what they called ‘the fireworks’ when sharing a kiss with the person you were always meant to be with. Or the electricity you feel when in proximity to the one you love._

To Clarke, it was nothing like the dreams and imaginations her mind has concocted over the years. And to Lexa, as she has only just recently subjected herself to musings such as Clarke’s, this to her was the perfect first kiss.

It may have been in front of their family and friends, but it wasn’t weird in any way. In fact, they were glad. It felt like a confirmation of something they had all known and believed that would happen for the past 4 weeks. A relief that this was now the reality and not the other way around where Clarke was six feet under and they would all be wearing black clothes, and sporting red-rimmed eyes, tired and forlorn expressions.

So when the kiss broke, they remained in each other’s arms; their foreheads leaning on each other as well. Their families were all giddy, even Anya.

“Okay. First kiss, check. Felt our touches and the electricity, check. Just one more thing off the list.” Lexa said coyly as she slightly moved her head towards their families and friends. Who were then quick to run towards the elevator.

Lexa and Clarke just giggled as they slowly backed away to Clarke’s room, kissing as they went while Lexa carefully dragged Clarke’s IV fluid stand and slowly maneuvered her towards the bed.

Of course, they only exchanged soft kisses while Lexa sat on the side of Clarke’s bed. Their very heated make-out session earlier was cut off when a nurse by the doorframe cleared her throat so she could re-attach Clarke’s monitoring device, and warned them explicitly that nurses and doctors will, in fact, come running if ‘Clexa’ kept making Clarke’s heartbeat irregularly for so long.

Clarke was confused at the term but as soon as Lexa explained to her about their rising popularity in the media, they both sheepishly blushed and stuck to slow, sweet kisses, until they could smell pizza and saw knowing grins on their loved ones’ faces.

_\--- 10 months later ---_

Lexa’s laugh was carefree as she struggled against her girlfriend’s tickle attack. They were lounging on their favorite spot by the honey locust tree on one of the University grounds. The same spot Clarke had her eyes on that night when she saw couples there and wondered how it would be like if they were them.

It was fortunately not resembling the one in Lexa’s nightmare many months ago when she thought she was about to say goodbye to the love of her life. To be honest, though, it did freak her out the first time they started hanging out there because, at one point, Clarke stood from where she was leaning on the tree, moved to Lexa’s front and looked down at her. Lexa’s response was immediate though; she yelled at her girlfriend and dared her not to walk away.

Clarke was very much surprised at her girlfriend’s reaction and looked around when people stopped to observe them. Clarke quickly kneeled in front of her distressed girlfriend and asked what’s wrong. To which, Lexa responded by wrapping her arms around Clarke’s neck and pulling her back with her.

When Lexa calmed she apologized and explained to Clarke why she reacted that way. Clarke was very much amused about it all but still answered in reverence, “I’m here, don’t worry. I was just gonna stretch and ask you if you wanted some hotdogs by that stall,” Clarke pointed to one of the food stalls near the University’s entrance, “because I’m famished. I mean, I know you’ve fully fed me this morning but I need some more sustenance for later tonight.” Clarke wiggled her brows to make things feel lighter for the love of her life.

Clarke then laughed and kissed away the blush on her adorable girlfriend before she jogged to the stall, making sure Lexa can still see her to keep her calm.

“Claaaarke! I almost peed myself, stooop!”

Clarke couldn’t contain her joy in having her girlfriend like this and for ten months now. She stopped and let Lexa huff away while they settle back in their previous position, with Lexa wrapped around her arms and leaning on her.

“So, at your last attempt, have you convinced Raven to change the name?” Lexa suddenly asked and she’s being reminded of her last argument with her Latina best friend. It was Clarke’s turn to huff frustratedly this time.

“No. I mean, if she wants her invention to sell, why on earth would she name it after another person? It’s really weird and people would just go, ‘Hey, you guys seen the latest update of CLARKE?’, ‘Oh no, I still have CLARKE 1.0’. I mean, it’s ridiculous.” Lexa couldn’t stop belly laughing throughout Clarke’s rant.

Raven’s invention was instantly signed by a multi-million company that allowed her to keep the patent and also making her earn millions of dollars starting by the end of the year, as productions are now on the go.

“It is rather late to change it though, love. Everything’s been approved. And plus,” Lexa turned towards her girlfriend and kissed her grumpy frown before continuing, “shouldn’t you be used to having things named after you by now?”

Clarke released an incredulous huff and kissed her girlfriend back, “The Mindspace was meant to be a project and most importantly, a declaration of love to you. It was completely out of my hands when people started calling it ‘Clarke’s Mindspace’.” Clarke paused as an idea crossed her mind, “come to think of it, I think Raven’s only intention about having that device named after me is to skyrocket its popularity. And remind people of that night and making them want to buy it more for their safety.” Clarke was just being so adorably arrogant that Lexa just couldn’t stop her giggling.

Although it was true that even now, ‘Clexa’ was such a strong and popular pairing especially to the LGBT+ community. Their love story was drunkenly shared by a very beautiful, big-mouthed best friend of theirs to a journalist one time; now never letting Clexa die down in the media.

Clarke’s Mindspace was still continuously sought out and her art even more so, allowing her to already have a commission waitlist at such an early stage of her career.

With the turn of these events, Clarke was able to convince her girlfriend after months and months of constant reassurances that her investment in her Law school fees is part of Clarke’s ‘cunning’ means to use her girlfriend's future services for free once she’s passed the bar exam. Although this was a relief to Lexa minimally, she still can’t fully allow herself to depend on Clarke so she drafted a contract herself to make the deal fair and set in stone for both sides. But knowing now how Lexa thinks, it was just a relief to Clarke that at least her girlfriend can depend on her even this little bit. _Baby steps_.

“I’m serious, babe. Let’s let you finish Law School and sue Raven for millions of dollars.” Lexa really couldn’t stop her belly laughter now. She had to lay on Clarke’s waist for a bit before pulling herself up again.

“I mean yeah, we could wait like 4 and a half years total and sue her once her product has been sold for millions, even billions then,” Lexa agreed, faking a smug, cynical smile for good measure.

“Yeah, knowing us, they’ll never see it coming.”

They both giggled at their silliness. However, years after, they realize it was they who didn’t see anything coming.

_\--- 5 years later ---_

_Happy 4 th anniversary you two! _

_Clarke, as you are quite an oblivious beautiful human being, but a brilliant tour guide as well, here is a map to your very own Chalet in Colorado!_

_Lexa, as you are quite the pussy and used to run away from love, here’s the key to your new Audi R8 2024, it’ll at least make you a stud pussy and make Clarke work extra hard catching and keeping ya._

_Please send all my hugs and kisses to Aden and Madi. How did they like their gifts? I know they’re only 3 but I can’t wait for them to figure out how to operate the ATVs. But until then, I’m pretty sure you both will enjoy the purring waves as you ride ‘em. (Double pun intended. Mic drop.)_

_...I know I did. ;)_

_Love you both!_

_Raven Reyes_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reaching this part you guys!!  
> I've recently just started reading AUs and with this being my first (of hopefully many) fanfics, I'm still learning the ropes.  
> I hope you enjoyed it. This was actually not the priority story I had in mind to write but I just couldn't stop myself when I finally started trying out the first few paragraphs, I knew I just had to finish it.
> 
> Thank you again. Feel free to comment on my writing and stuff.  
> I finished programs in college that are so so far from literature so my only redeeming criterion as an aspiring writer is that I enjoy reading books/fanfics.  
> So please feel free to comment, criticize, etc. Thanks! 
> 
> May we meet again!

**Author's Note:**

> What did you guys think?


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